Brain Scan

Well, after beating both Portal and On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness, Episode One within the past 72 hours, and catching the 11:59pm premiere of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull with youjik33, I feel I can talk a bit about the ACEN disaster.

It Begins

Due to my periodically flamboyant nature, I managed to arrive in Rosemont Friday morning in good spirits--I'm pretty used to three hour drives at this point. The trip in was smooth enough (Youjik33 brakes later than I'd like, but we got there safe) and the parking was a pretty sweet deal (because we were staying over night, we got to park in the Hotel's parking garage for $20 for the whole weekend). We got in... around 10:30am local time? Well before the hotel was actually prepared to check us in, so we went to pick up our badges for the convention. I was still playing it by ear, not sure if I was going to pay for the whole weekend or just one day or what have you, but it didn't matter early on--we were all in the same line outside the building. Eventually, Youji got picked off for being preregistered and prepaid, and I split off from patches365, who was preregistered but not prepaid, to join the crowd of people who either decided to come last minute, or just aren't terribly bright.

You folks would have been amused by the lines the convention center had set up--a giant maze of inconvenient (and poorly fastened) poles with at least twice as much room as was necessary for the people who actually showed up. That's when the waiting really started. Youji got through fast enough--within an hour of actually entering the building, maybe? Patches and I waited in our separate lines for another two hours until she got rescued by the person she was joining for an Inuyasha panel--there was nobody to rescue me.

Alone

I spent many more hours hanging out with my fellow con-reg denizens. I stopped keeping track of time because, really, that was just a tool by which my hope could be further crushed. I failed to bring food or entertainment, but my mind does wonderful things when left to its own devices. It occurred to me that "Twilight Princess" would make an excellent parody title for Link's adventures in cross-dressing. "When the sun sets, a new hero arises--a hero in gossamer silk, Hyrule's most precious debutante--the Twilight Princess!" It also occurred to me that V probably doesn't actually stand for Vendetta, but rather for some embarrassing, possibly effeminate name like "Vanessa". It turns out those years of experiments performed on the supposedly nameless test subject who was to become V weren't the actual source of his homicidal themes--no, it was simply a history of teasing and taunting that forged the cold hard killer we know today.

... I also snagged a blank piece of notebook paper (technically, it flew into me--people waste paper so freely, especially when bored!) and promptly composed a little story about trees and humanity. I tried to fill the whole page, yammering on and on about humanity's relationship with itself and the forests, reverse chronologically, making broad and sweeping gestures to describe entire eras, until the first mammals were dancing around the feet of the terrible thunder lizards. "We have watched your species over the span of eons, but that is still but a fraction of the time you've spent in this line", I wrote, before folding the story up into a little paper airplane and setting it free amongst the other aircraft that were entertaining my fellow disenfranchised con-goers. I never saw it again--or heard of it for that matter--but I feel that I made the world a better place with it.

In total, I think I spent about five hours standing in line. The other highlight of my wait was when the group with the Speed Racer cosplayer started up with "99 bottles of beer on the wall." That was fun, even if nobody else joined in. Likewise, nobody else responded when I tried to start The Wave. People ducked in and out of the line for various reasons--bathroom brakes I imagine (and hope), cigarette breaks, food breaks--but I didn't go anywhere, nor did the people who were standing (and sitting) immediately next to me. They either brought their own food or had friends who were willing to bring them things. This struck me as a beautiful idea, given that Youji had just entered the 20th century with a mobile phone (pay-as-you-go doesn't quite get you into the 21st century, but its close!) and Patches has had one as long as I know of. Sadly, neither of them were terribly good about answering their phones, which had the negative side effect of causing my morale to plummet. With no food of my own or prospects of food in on the horizon, and only a loose confederacy of unfamiliar con-goers and a snaggletoothed, mumbling Father Abel Nightroad crossplayer for company, I realized that I no longer had any desire to pay $50 for a day and two halves of convention, even if the line did miraculously start moving. Wishing my nameless friends luck with their crusade, I excused myself from line and went to wander, liberated from the weight of others' incompetence.

Freedom

The funny thing about freedom is that, once you've gained it, you discover that the world was made for individuals to follow predefined paths. If you're a child and you want to become a librarian or a skilled laborer or some such, there are certain general steps to follow that can get you to a number of different places, each of which are fairly well defined. Likewise, if you're at an anime convention and you want to go to certain panels, workshops, or events, it's all predefined to some extent. If you decide to blow off the con entirely... well, you're the con equivalent of a hobo, sitting around, leering at the pretty people prancing purposefully past you. I did accompany Youji to a few places that weren't inside the con proper, and to a few things that were (shh!), and the nice thing about wasting time in this way is that, when your hotel is on the 11th floor and the elevator only services the first 10, once you've committed to going to a specific place that is NOT on the same floor, you've already committed a good twenty minutes to just getting there.

I wandered about, enjoying the scenery, the exercise, and a nap on Friday, tossing around the idea of trying to register for a day at the con the following morning--a plan which was supported by my good Chicago friend, aythius, who said he'd call me later in the evening with the details. Eventually, we three Michiganders hunkered down for the evening--the girls climbing into the king bed and I onto an inflatable mattress (I did it by mouth the first night--seems there's a pump to go with it).

Now, I've always had an antagonistic relationship with air mattresses--I can't think of one that I've gone to sleep on and woken up on, still inflated, the next morning--and this was no exception. In fact, I estimate that about 30 minutes into the night, I was sleeping soundly on nothing more than a thin layer of plastic. Youji, defending the honor of her mattress, suggested that I hadn't filled it entirely or properly or, perhaps only to herself, that I had secretly sabotaged her favorite air mattress intentionally. I re-inflated the mattress (with the pump this time) and, sure enough, the mattress did start to sag. I don't begrudge her her disbelief as it is hard for most people to comprehend my air mattress curse. Accepting my fate and smiling the next day is one thing, but for posterity's sake I feel it's necessary to mention that, yes, the floor is far from comfortable.

Saturday

It seems Aythius must have had a terrible night's sleep too as, even after I called him that morning, he said that he needed a nap before he could join the festivities. Having driven while tired before, I didn't want to encourage him to do so for safety's sake... but having already scoped out the registration line that morning, it was clear how the day wasn't going to unfold. Puzzle Quest, putzing, more scenery watching and the like got me through to late afternoon when Aythius finally arrived at the scene. We stood in line for an hour (and a half?) moving much better than I had the day before (but still painfully slow, especially if you haven't been there the day before), but still not quite fast enough. It was during this time that I realized that the Non-preregistered, non-prepaid line was in fact broken into the "registration" line and then the payment line, both of equal length and speed. As Aythius's main interest in ACEN was the dealer's room which would likely be an hour closed by the time we were registered and paid, I once again abandoned the line in favor of food.

We had a long, slow walk to Denny's (not really that long, but, you know... walking and driving have entirely different definitions of "long" associated with them. This walk was followed by a fairly long wait for our food (they were mildly understaffed). Upon our return to the convention center, Aythius and I attempted to rejoin the registration line to buy passes to Sunday's dealer's room--the cheapest day of the three by far. Of course, registration was closed at this point, and we rounded out the evening with loitering in the hotel lobby, drinks, and more loitering. For a man interested in men, the selection was rather poor this year. For a man interested in women... well... anime conventions will always have lots of boobs on display. Regardless of the technical "waste" of time, the good thing about having good friends is that, even when the activity isn't stimulating, the time spent can never truly be a waste.

After heading our separate ways, I returned to my mile high hotel room (with con-goers deciding to get on an elevator whenever it opened, regardless of direction, there was never any guarantee that the elevator would empty on the top or bottom floors). After some fidgeting around, getting ready for bed, some combination of my noise and the neighbors' woke Patches who informed me that she had attempted to find the hole in the air mattress during her down-time and, with nothing better at her command, had attempted to patch it with price stickers from some of the things we'd brought with us. I'm not usually one to be caught off guard, but that was one occasion where someone went an extra mile for me when they really had no personal motivation to do so. Even if the mattress was still empty when I woke up 4 hours later, it was an incredibly nice gesture that I still appreciate.

Sunday

Sunday morning, when I'd realized I was no longer on a cushion of air, but rather on a cushion of hard floor, I consoled myself with the fantasy of crawling into bed once the girls were up and about their business. When I actually got up, however, I had to face the bitter reality that there was no extra time for napping--we had to check out of the hotel. 'Course, this left me with Puzzle Quest for a couple hours until the girls were actually done with the Con... but I've spent days in worse ways. When they returned, we climbed into a car and headed North to Mitzuwa (which, in fact, is really West). I was engrossed in Puzzle Quest, which is probably for the best (too many cooks 'n whatnot), and we did get straightened out.

Since I didn't spend any time waiting for anything in particular at ACEN that Sunday, I rounded out the weekend by watching Patches and Youji eat their lunch as the place I'd ordered my meal from got on to somewhere in the low 70's by number (I was number 60). I was hungry, so I went to wait in front of the place for my meal--most of the orders seemed to be for bubble tea, so i can easily see how 61-75 could be done before 60 itself, but still... there were a couple meals being produced. When there was a short break, I stepped up to the counter again and the woman, Kristie?, asked, "78?" to which I naturally responded, "No. 60." Her eyes widened, there was an apology, and my meal was produced--all the fixin's had been sitting in front of her the whole time. Returning to the table to eat my meal, I sent the girls off on their way (no reason they should have to wait with me--I'd be stuffing my face and subsequently a poor conversationalist anyhow).

And then we went home. The end.

Addendum

I should point out that, in spite of all the time 'wasted'(which, to most sane people, could be considered a horribly depressing waste of time), the weekend wasn't half bad. Youji dragged me around a bit, I found my Zen place, enjoyed the company and opportunities I did have, and was able to give my con money to Youji to help her with the hotel costs. While it wasn't a dream vacation by any means, it was far from the hell it could have been.

...OH! I did get dragged to the Gaia get together (which was scheduled to be held in the convention center lobby and was on all the official ACEN schedules). IRT, ACEN's... security... chased them out of the lobby, claiming that the con wasn't allowed to utilize that space. I tried hard to find a moment to slip in this gem: "Hey! We could move the get together to the registration line! They'll let you stand there for hours!" ... but I fumbled the delivery and the only person who heard it was Youji. I wish the IRT had heard it and cried themselves to sleep that night.

The real end.